Nature vs Nincompoop

I’m just going to tell you guys up front, this is a rant. A gossip magazine fueled rant on the dumbing down of role models for kids

Every nature show or book will tell you that the more ornate, flashy or decorative a species is, the more dangerous it is. Lion fish, Cheetahs, Frogs in the Amazon, Black Widows, Puffer fish; the list goes on and on. These animals are either brightly colored, fabulously accessorized, or just plain unusual enough to draw your eyes right to them. These animals also look the way they do to warn predators that they are poisonous to the point of death or to camouflage the fact that they are harbingers of death, like the cheetah. For survival, other species stay away from these flashy animals, because they have a healthy sense of self preservation. They want to go on living their happy lives, just existing in their world without fear of being eaten alive or poisoned. And then there are humans.

The Kardashians, Justin Bieber, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan. These creatures are flashy, ornate and repulsively decorative. And yet other humans flock to them, even admire them, and some extremely stupid humans aim to emulate them. We go against everything that millions of years of evolution have taught us and move in droves to get our hands on the latest magazines, concert tickets, movie tickets and whatever else this “celebrities” do to make money to feed their ridiculous lifestyles. Bean loves music. And I’m not an idiot. I know that musicians tend to be flashy. It helps with the “rockstar” image. But I’m failing to see anything remotely redeeming about Iggy Azalea. I’m not necessarily excited about the fact that Bean prefers Black Widow to Colbie Callait(I’m still not even sure where she first heard that…..song). And don’t even get me started on Miley Cyrus twerking. Hopefully her makeup tastes good, because she keeps licking it off. She needs to keep her tongue in her mouth and her clothes on. The Disney Channel must be so proud to claim that little child prodigy.

Children and men for some reason are attracted to these shiny deathtraps. Guys plaster their walls with posters of scantily clad women, ooohing and aaahing over celebrities who flaunt what their plastic surgeon gave them. Sadly plastic surgeons don’t have talent implants. But thank god Nicki Minaj was able to get ass implants, it so helps the nails on chalkboard sounds she calls songs. Does anyone else wonder if these people even OWN real clothes?  Now please don’t mistake this for some rant about feminism and all that jazz. I’m all for looking pretty, and even being scantily clad for D now and then. But there’s a line that needs to drawn, and for the love of shorts longer than your vagina, it needs to be drawn soon. I’m still trying to figure out why the Kardashians are famous. What exactly do they do? What is it they contribute to society, except little Kardashians and the uncanny ability to marry losers and sell magazines for Hearst publishing?

My point is, these are the human equivalent of an Amazonian poison dart frog or a lion fish. Pretty to look at (sometimes) but oh so deadly. Maybe not immediately life threatening. But dangerous enough to make your 8 year old daughter twerk in the living room at Thanksgiving, or your 12 year old son say he’s going to “make it rain” at the next family gift giving event when he opens Nana’s card filled with money. I for one want my daughter to have better role models. Smart role models. These people are fine for entertainment value, but once kids are aspiring to be like Rihanna because she wears next to nothing onstage instead of aspiring to be driven like she was to get to where she is. There are things to be learned from the determination of some of these celebrities. I mean Kanye West was shot and still force-fed his persona to the world.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t admire celebrities. There are plenty of celebrities that use their fame for good. But those celebrities aren’t making headlines with their charitable acts. They only make headlines when they have a movie coming out.  But there are also plenty of other people worth admiring. Everyday people. The people that really make the world go round. We as moms are the first line of defense against these deadly creatures. It’s our job to teach our kids that even though NFL players worked extremely hard to get to where they are, their poor behavior and bad decisions off the field are inexcusable. We are the ones who have to tell our daughters that twerking and looking like an A-squad stripper on Friday night may get her a guy, it probably won’t get her the right kind of guy. We are parents. We man the gate that decides what enters our homes and therefore our childrens’ world.We are Gandalf, in the mines of Moria, yelling “You shall not pass!” at the repulsive behavior of the people society and media say our children should admire. Our kids may fight us, but really….do you want your daughter acting like a spoiled Kardashian dating a guy that acts like Justin Bieber? I didn’t think so.

Til next time, keep those toes in the sand…..a password on the family computertwerk

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