A$$hole Parents


I was volunteering in Bean’s classroom today. I do this a few times a week. It’s great to get to know the other kids in her class and see what they do and the different ways they learn. While working with the groups of kids, I couldn’t help but notice that one little boy was almost falling asleep at the table. He seemed despondent and lethargic. I’m no doctor, and I do my best not to pass judgement on other parents….but after the child projectile vomited it’s kind of hard not to pass judgement. This is where asshole parents come in to play.

Bean was sneezing a lot a couple of weeks ago. It led to chest congestion and a rough night. The next morning she begged not to go to school. She had already used a sick day when she wasn’t really sick so she knew what staying home would entail: not playing outside, not rough housing, soup, and movies. I felt myself channeling my mother “If you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to do anything fun”. So when she begged not to go, I switched gears into Suspicious Mommy. I felt the forehead(warm), I told her the terms(she understood) and I offered medicine(she willingly took it). Did I want to spend the day waiting hand and foot on my kid? Not really. But seeing as it was a Friday and the weekend was mere hours away, I figured she might actually be sick. As it turns out, she was. Poor thing had Bronchitis and missed out on 2 days of school and the entire weekend. While I know our home situation allows for sick days, I realize that every home is different. I also know that whether we admit it or not, we have all been the asshole parent at least once.

Bean might have been slightly congested and I may have doped her up with Children’s Claritin and sent her to preschool. At one time or another your thought process may have been or will be “they are all little petri dishes anyway, a little sniffle isn’t the end of the world” and I might be inclined to agree with you. HOWEVER……I can’t stand the parents that dose their seriously ill child and send them school, hightailing it out of sight before the meds wear off. This poor child could have easily thrown up on a fellow student….ON YOUR KID!!! It’s not his fault, he was clearly sick.  His mom may have had to work. His dad probably couldn’t take the day off. I get it. But if my kid projectile vomits on me tomorrow because of this…..well that’s just not cool.

As parents, working or stay at home, we have a routine. Certain things that we have to get done while our little cherubs are in school. But once a sneeze threatens to throw a wad of tissues into your well-oiled machine of a day and you decide to send your sniffling sweetheart to school, you have essentially created a ground zero. Kids are gross. They wipe their snot on their sleeves, they don’t cover their mouths. They not only share toys, they share germs. When the teacher gets sick because she is exposed to this kind of biochemical warfare daily, the kids suffer because they have a substitute teacher. It’s a vicious cycle that can easily be avoided.

Asshole parents, I’m talking to you. Yeah it sucks to take off work and lose money because your kid is sick. I’ve been there. I’ve stayed up with her all night and wistfully yearned for the time she goes to school so I can sleep, but she’s not going to school because that is just wrong. It’s wrong to inflict a sick child on dozens of unsuspecting people. It’s wrong to make your child endure school if they are legitimately sick. It’s wrong to pass off your parental responsibilities because you’re “so tired”. I don’t really give a shit if you are tired. I’ve been tired since the minute my kid was born. I will be tired until the day I die. That’s what happens when you decide to have kids, you sign up for a lifetime of yawning and dreaming of being able to dream. Suck it up, take some Airborne and keep that sick kiddo home. It’s not just for the classroom’s sake. It’s for all involved. Because guess what? School policy states that he has to go home now, so either way he’s ending up where he should have been to begin with….comfy in his bed, puking in a bucket.

I have friends who are teachers and they will attest to this. Sending a sick child to school, medicated or not, is just cruel. So stop being an asshole. Enjoy the time off, watch a soap opera or something. cuddle with your kid. Because it’s autumn, cold & flu season, not to mention that nasty virus every person in the world in freaking out about right now. I don’t’ even want to say the word. It feels like a dirty word 🙂

Please for the love of Dimetapp, keep your sick sweetie home. You’re not helping anyone by sending them to school.

Ebola…..there I said it. I have to go wash my hands