It’s OK to Tell My Daughter That She’s Pretty


It absolutely is totally alright. I’m not going to rip your head off or sigh or make some comment about the merits of brains over beauty. Because the thing about smart girls who are mostly complimented on their beauty is that they will surprise people at the best times. I want my Bean to grow up aware of her looks. Not for narcissistic reasons. But that way she can fool people into a false sense of security. People never expect the “pretty girl” to bust out some crazy math skills or some little known science fact. You know why? Because nowadays apparently you can either be pretty or smart. but not both. And that is sad. So sad.

I don’t mean to sound conceited but I’m intelligent. I have been aware of it since I was a young girl. And I turned out just fine. I was an honor student. I got good grades. I received scholarships to college. I was on the Dean’s list almost all through college. I have a well rounded and expansive concept of the world. And the best part of it was that no one ever saw it coming. Know why? Because I’m also pretty

Yeah, I said it. I’m pretty. I have esthetically pleasing features. I have an hourglass figure. And I have used this to my advantage at times. When I was a bartender, I would often “dumb it down” because no one wants to be talked to like they are an idiot, even if they are. So I would bat my eyes, coyly smile and things to that effect because bartenders should be hot. Sadly, intelligence is not a requirement.

The thing about people complimenting your child’s looks is usually for no other reason than they don’t know your child well enough to compliment anything else. A passerby may just be struck by how adorable your kid looks. A not so close relative may not have had enough interaction with them to marvel at their problem solving skills. Its really not meant malevolently. I don’t mind it when people compliment Bean’s looks. She’s a beautiful girl. And the people that know her well also compliment her intelligence, her imagination, her personality and her energy. People aren’t selling her short by complimenting her beauty. They are helping her. Because at her age, she is learning all about self confidence. And being confident in your looks is a huge part of confidence overall.

So go ahead, compliment away. Just don’t be surprised when she starts a conversation about thermonuclear dynamics 🙂


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