The Vaccination Games

May the odds be ever in your favor?

Lately there’s been headline after headline about vaccinations. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Another outbreak of measles at some child-ridden park. To believe science or fringe articles. Celebrities that speak out against vaccination and celebrities that speak out in favor of vaccination. I have a solution that may satisfy everyone who is currently riding the vaccination train. Ladies and gentlemen, I propose….

The Vaccination Games

Now before you go getting all uppity, hear me out. First, let me elaborate as to what exactly your Constitution allows you to do. Your Constitution gives you the right to make choices for yourself and your family. Those choices, however painfully stupid they may be, are protected under your Constitutional right to be an idiot. The Constitution also allows you to matriculate your child in the public school system while citing these “constitutionally protected rights” as reason your kid is now basically a walking Germinator. See here’s the thing; certain diseases are now referred to as “preventable” because YEARS AND YEARS of research and vaccinations have allowed us to almost completely eradicate things like measles and polio. Now I don’t know about you, but from what I’ve read about FDR polio doesn’t exactly sound like fun and I’m pretty sure I’m happy it falls under the preventable disease category. So while you’re citing these “Constitutionally protected rights” let me also elaborate on what they DON’T cover. They DO NOT give you the right to make medical decisions for people who aren’t your family. Like infants, the elderly and people with compromised immune systems. These people don’t even have the luxury of choosing whether or not to be vaccinated. You do not have the right to expose innocent people to a 100% preventable disease because you’re a special kind of stupid. All these parents up in arms about not vaccinating their children should look back in their own medical records and see that they HAD TO BE VACCINATED to attend school. If you didn’t get vaccinated, you didn’t attend public school. It was that simple. And you all turned out fine; with the exception of suffering from a serious case of self-righteous know it all syndrome. So I suggest the following:

We refurbish that town they built for the Manhattan Project, make it totally usable, but fence it in completely. Then all the children whose parents’ decided not to vaccinate them get put there. Then we drop a couple of kids infected with measles, polio and chicken pox, and we wait. But here’s the catch, we don’t televise the kids 24/7. We televise the parents. The parents’ reactions. The worry. The fretting. The gut wrenching guilt that washes over them as they realize that this could have been prevented.  Will most of the kids be OK? Probably. Will maybe a few become seriously ill, you betcha. But that’s the risk their parents knowingly agreed to when they made the noble decision to think they are smarter than doctors and science.  It will literally be a perfect study of Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection, which I’m guessing the anti-vax people also don’t believe in.  So 2 birds, 1 stone right there.  People want to cite all these risks associated with vaccinations, almost all of which have been debunked. Are there risks with injected living diseases into your body? Of course. There are also risks to driving a car or getting on a airplane. There are risks to eating, you could choke. But I bet you let your kid eat. So these kids use their unvaccinated immune systems to fight off these diseases and hope for the best. While the rest of society is safe from deliberate idiocy.

If you’re going to make the decision not to vaccinate, you should really have some follow through. You want to cite “religious beliefs” as your reason not to vaccinate? Then let your church teach your kid. Or better yet, you home school them, because you have no right to decide to expose my daughter to a perfectly preventable disease because you read some article on the internet sanctioned by some celebrity that says vaccinations might be deadly. You know what else is deadly? Diseases!! Oh and stupidity.

I am in no way suggesting the deaths of innocent kids. Once the Games got serious, medical attention would be given (with parental consent of course), but hopefully valuable lessons would be learned.

I’m not telling you that you have to vaccinate your child. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t. I’m simply stating what you have a right to do, and what you don’t have a right to do and you don’t have the right to expose hundreds or even thousands of unsuspecting people. Do you know why they are unsuspecting? Because last they knew, not getting vaccinated wasn’t an option. Every kid had to go through it. So these people go out to Disneyland, The happiest place on earth, and then end up with the measles….not happy. So if you don’t want to vaccinate, that’s your choice and you have every right to make that choice. But please, also make the choice to stay home. Forever.

Also, that same Constitution that allows you to make these decisions also gives me the right to write about those decisions. See how that works? It goes both ways.

Sidenote; If George RR Martin would release the latest Game of Thrones book I wouldn’t even have the time to come up with an idea like this.

So while you’re mulling over my proposal for the Vaccination Games, keep those toes in the sand 🙂

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