The Ailments of Family Life

Hi All! Sorry for the hiatus, but we have been busy moving and not killing each other. I spent the last few days telling my family members that this move was exceeding the limits of my medication, because apparently you shouldn’t drink and move things or else you get told “this is why we can’t have nice things!” 🙂  . In the process of moving certain things were brought to light, 1 of which is the illnesses and ailments that affect your family on a daily basis. I bet you didn’t know that your own home is an episode of  Monsters Inside Me, but instead of humans, there’s a monster living in your house at this very moment, and I don’t mean you before your morning caffeine fix.

You may think this won’t happen in your house. You probably think this is some sort of skin ailment. Sadly, you’re wrong on both counts. Latch Disease is more commonly known as “Dishwasher-phobia” Dishes will pile up in the sink, but never seem to make it into the actual dishwasher. Now the strange thing about this “disease” is when you live alone, it never seems to show any signs, so the likelihood of you being a carrier are unknown to you. When you move in with your significant other, there may be warning signs, but you will brush them off as simple absentmindedness.  Then you have kids. And the disease begins to flare up with increasing frequency. It starts with coffee cups in the morning. A cereal bowl, some utensils. Nothing serious. Lunch comes around and perhaps a pan makes it into the sink. By the time dinner is done, there is a full on mountain of meal time remnants in the sink.  Now there is something that must be understood about this. The carriers of this ailment are not exclusive to husbands and children.  I have even been guilty of it (my mom & husband can attest to that), but it doesn’t enter your house by itself. It comes in on the heels on the “Not Me Monster”. This crafty little devil commits all kinds of dastardly deeds in your home. He/She feels it’s necessary to throw perfectly good clean clothes on the floor in your child’s room. The Not Me Monster sneaks into the living room and leaves shoes all willy-nilly, like a carefully thought out booby trap to whoever may be trying to traverse the terrain with a full laundry basket blocking their vision. The Not Me Monster and Latch Disease go hand in hand. One cannot exist without the other.  One of the Not Me Monster’s favorite things to do is to leave the lights on.

Now these antics, in conjunction with Latch disease, are enough to make any normal person slightly insane. And to make matters worse, there’s no known cure. There are products on the market to help alleviate the demoralizing effects of the disease. There is an Agave supplement, it comes in liquid form and tastes wonderful when paired with salt and a lime. There is also a wonderful herbal supplement made from barley & hops that is quite refreshing and best consumed ice cold. Do ya see where I’m going with this? You can shout, you can glare, you can beg. Sure, for sometime conditions might improve, the symptoms might temporarily abate. But you might as well be talking directly to the dishwasher. And even though at this day in age we can have phones that can be programmed to scream when we drop them, we still don’t have a self-loading dishwasher. Your only hope to avoid this ailment is either live in a separate dwelling than your family (that has a certain appeal to it) or just be hopelessly lost when it comes to the game of dishwasher Tetris. That’s my modus operandi. I even got so lucky that it was written in both my husband’s and my marriage vows that I am not allowed to even TOUCH the dishwasher.  And strangely I’m totally ok with that.

Until next time, just keep thinking of your toes in the sand 🙂dishwasher

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